Connections Within the Family

To come from a family where each of my immediate family members learned how to cue is something I consider a blessing. I even put my life on the line by trying to teach the family cat how to expressively cue to me. I would take her paw and try to move it around her chin/mouth area with the only possible handshape which was handshape 5. I have a scar on my right cheek to prove it.

Mom and Dad learned how to cue almost immediately after the diagnosis of my profound bilateral hearing loss. All three sisters learned the system the same way I did which was visually. Mom has told me there is a picture of my younger sister cueing in the playroom when she was 18 months old.

My speech was basically unintelligible for the first few years of my life. Luckily, all family members were able to cue read so they could understand me. While it is a task for most parents to learn the communication mode they choose for their deaf/hoh child, I consider it extremely important for families to make sure the other siblings or family members who live in the same household (if any) learn the modality too.

Inclusion is important for every person in the household whether it be the hearing person trying to understand the deaf/hoh person or vice versa. One way hearing people build their vocabulary and literacy level on a daily basis is by picking up information through what is heard verbally. Some deaf/hoh individuals acquire their language visually; so every word they see is equally important. Now, I grew up with times where I felt frustrated because two people were having a conversation and I didn’t understand everything that was said so I would ask the two parties to repeat. They would respond with “Oh, it was nothing important”, or they would summarize the conversation from 10 sentences into one sentence. I would rather have had them repeat all 10 sentences to me because even the little details matter in building language.

Making an effort to understand every word the deaf/hoh individual communicates will most likely secure the relationships between them and family members. It may be a frustrating process at first while trying to learn how to cue read. In the long run, it should pay off. After all, the deaf/hoh individual wants to fit in with the family and be able to express all of his/her feelings knowing they will be understood to the full extent.

In conclusion, it is beneficial if all immediate family members learn the modality chosen for the deaf/hoh individual. It will bring the family closer together. While it is not easy to cue or lipread every word said, it is important to try to include all family members whether they are hearing or deaf/hoh. Every word counts.

Giving Back: Ten Years Later

Ten years ago, I was asked to meet a family with a daughter who had been diagnosed with a profound bilateral hearing loss. This was a first for me. By no means did I know what the role of a deaf model meant. After all, I grew up in a rural town 20 miles north of Burlington, Vermont. At the time and throughout most of my elementary and high school education, I was the only deaf child in the state of Vermont who used Cued Speech.

I vividly remember being high strung over meeting the parents. It doesn’t help I have a shy personality when I first meet people. I found it mind boggling when asked about my deafness, my cochlear implant, and how I function on a daily basis. Rather than out of curiosity, those two adults wanted information from me as a deaf person. Thoughts swarmed through my mind as I wondered what I should say and what I shouldn’t say because I knew every answer I give them would most likely affect their future decisions for their deaf first born.

Fast-forward ten years later, I have reached the point in life where I am content with who I am as a deaf adult. Between then and now, I went through a period where I discovered my deaf identity and the pride I carry as a deaf person. Giving back to the Northern Vermont community I was born and raised in for 18 years is something I have yearned to do. I was granted the rare window of opportunity to meet with this family again along with another family who has a deaf son. I had never been more enthusiastic.

My former Teacher of the Deaf who also works with these students emailed a list of questions they wanted to ask me. During the long 16-hour car ride from Chicago to Vermont I discussed these questions with my boyfriend, Aaron, who is also an adult deaf cuer. I continuously learn something new about myself when under pressure to think about growing up as a deaf cuer. For instance, I realized how much time my transliterator dedicated to serving me along with the countless hours my parents put in advocating for my rights and needs.

We spent an hour listening to the kids interview us and we answered by cueing back in brief sentences since time was limited. After that session was finished, we sat down with the parents and let them ask us questions and we responded the best we could. There really isn’t one answer that will satisfy all parents because each individual has different experiences and needs.

The Cued Speech community is indeed a very small one. Each time I am able to share my story and offer some input, I leave knowing I helped at least one person. It is a gratifying feeling and allows me to continue my journey advocating Cued Speech with increased perseverance.

I look forward to the next ten years.